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Title: Feelings Do Not Always Mean "Feelings"
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
xiexiegirl
Disclaimer: If I owned BTR, I would be Nickelodeon and Roundhouse would officially be on DVD. QED.
Fandom: Big Time Rush
Pairings/Characters: James/Kendall one-sided
Rating: PG-13-ish?
Word Count: 774
Warnings: Spoilers up to Secrets. Asexual and genderqueer characters.
Summary: James had grown up listening to the "feelings for people" speech. Only, he didn't have the feelings everyone meant.
James, his entire life, had heard the “you're going to grow up and have... feelings for someone when you're older” speech. And by feelings, they had all meant attraction. Which James... lacked. He wasn't attracted to anybody. He still had hormones and, yeah, okay, he did, in fact, jerk off on occasion, but he wasn't, like, actually attracted to anybody. At least, not sexually. Romantic? Sure. He'd been attracted to Kendall romantically since grade school. And occasionally other girls and boys.
He just wasn't sexually attracted to anyone. And the constant “boys must always want sex” thing was annoying him, because he didn't. At least, not with other people.
It didn't really become a problem until they became Big Time Rush and Big Time Rush made it big. Griffin, during one of his crazier moments, informed James that he was expected to date a lot of girls and be the Big Time Rush playboy, which, unfortunately, meant having sex, or at least, appearing to have sex with people. Which kind of clashed with the whole “not sexually attracted to other people” thing.
He stole Logan's laptop at one point and looked it up. The asexuality thing seemed kind of like a joke, but if the internet wasn't lying to him, that was what he was. After doing a little more research on it, he found that he was an asexual panromantic, because while he didn't have any sexual attraction to anyone, he did have romantic attraction to pretty much everyone. Boys, girls, and anything else on the gender spectrum.
(He only know as much about that as he did because Camille has come out to him as genderqueer a few months previous. She identified primarily as female, though sometimes she leaned more towards the male end of the spectrum. James was the first to know because he was her best friend. And she was his.)
After figuring out that, yes, he was definitely asexual, and definitely panromantic, he gathered up his courage and came out to Camille first, then the guys, as well as Mrs. Knight and Katie. His announcement was met with a lot of disbelief from Carlos, shrugging from Kendall accompanied by a “you're still the same James, so I don't care”, and Logan just nodded and smiled before going back to his encyclopedia of science.
“But you're James! You flirt with all the girls and you get almost all of them! Including Heather Fox! She liked you! So you can't be asexual or whatever it is, because of all those girls!” Carlos shouted, crossing his arms and flopping down on the couch.
“Look, Carlos, I did the research before I decided to come out to you guys. I'm what's called a panromantic asexual apparently. It means I have romantic feelings for girls, boys, and anyone else who falls into, or even out of, the gender spectrum,” James explained. Before Carlos could even open his mouth, Logan started explaining the gender spectrum and how some people didn't fit one gender entirely or felt they were another gender or not a specific gender, and using and explaining the different terms as needed. James made a questioning noise once Logan was finished. “How did you...?” He let the question trail off. Logan shrugged.
“Camille came out to me,” was his only response. James nodded.
“Cool. Good to know. How'd you take it?” He asked, sitting down at the end of the couch next to Logan. The shorter boy shrugged.
“I didn't really freak in her face. But I did research after. And freaked a little then. I mean, it's not everyday your ex-girlfriend comes out to you as genderqueer, y'know?” Logan said, shrugging again. James rolled his eyes. “Oh, you know what I meant.”
“Yeah, yeah. Anyway, Carlos, I still like people romantically, just not... that way,” James said, trying to explain it as best he could.
“Oh. Okay. So does this mean I can totally get the girls now?” Carlos asked.
“Nope. I'm still going to date them. However, once they dump me because I admit to being asexual, you can totally have them, okay?”
“But what about the 'no dating ex-girlfriends' code?”
“We'll make an exception for this. Okay?” James asked, looking at Kendall and Logan so they'd both know they were included in approving that. They all nodded. “Okay. And, uh, thanks, guys.”
“Hey, no problem,” Kendall said, smiling. “Besides, you're like my brother. I wouldn't lose that over something like this.” James resisted the urge to smack his forehead.
Brothers. Right.
Author:
xiexiegirlDisclaimer: If I owned BTR, I would be Nickelodeon and Roundhouse would officially be on DVD. QED.
Fandom: Big Time Rush
Pairings/Characters: James/Kendall one-sided
Rating: PG-13-ish?
Word Count: 774
Warnings: Spoilers up to Secrets. Asexual and genderqueer characters.
Summary: James had grown up listening to the "feelings for people" speech. Only, he didn't have the feelings everyone meant.
James, his entire life, had heard the “you're going to grow up and have... feelings for someone when you're older” speech. And by feelings, they had all meant attraction. Which James... lacked. He wasn't attracted to anybody. He still had hormones and, yeah, okay, he did, in fact, jerk off on occasion, but he wasn't, like, actually attracted to anybody. At least, not sexually. Romantic? Sure. He'd been attracted to Kendall romantically since grade school. And occasionally other girls and boys.
He just wasn't sexually attracted to anyone. And the constant “boys must always want sex” thing was annoying him, because he didn't. At least, not with other people.
It didn't really become a problem until they became Big Time Rush and Big Time Rush made it big. Griffin, during one of his crazier moments, informed James that he was expected to date a lot of girls and be the Big Time Rush playboy, which, unfortunately, meant having sex, or at least, appearing to have sex with people. Which kind of clashed with the whole “not sexually attracted to other people” thing.
He stole Logan's laptop at one point and looked it up. The asexuality thing seemed kind of like a joke, but if the internet wasn't lying to him, that was what he was. After doing a little more research on it, he found that he was an asexual panromantic, because while he didn't have any sexual attraction to anyone, he did have romantic attraction to pretty much everyone. Boys, girls, and anything else on the gender spectrum.
(He only know as much about that as he did because Camille has come out to him as genderqueer a few months previous. She identified primarily as female, though sometimes she leaned more towards the male end of the spectrum. James was the first to know because he was her best friend. And she was his.)
After figuring out that, yes, he was definitely asexual, and definitely panromantic, he gathered up his courage and came out to Camille first, then the guys, as well as Mrs. Knight and Katie. His announcement was met with a lot of disbelief from Carlos, shrugging from Kendall accompanied by a “you're still the same James, so I don't care”, and Logan just nodded and smiled before going back to his encyclopedia of science.
“But you're James! You flirt with all the girls and you get almost all of them! Including Heather Fox! She liked you! So you can't be asexual or whatever it is, because of all those girls!” Carlos shouted, crossing his arms and flopping down on the couch.
“Look, Carlos, I did the research before I decided to come out to you guys. I'm what's called a panromantic asexual apparently. It means I have romantic feelings for girls, boys, and anyone else who falls into, or even out of, the gender spectrum,” James explained. Before Carlos could even open his mouth, Logan started explaining the gender spectrum and how some people didn't fit one gender entirely or felt they were another gender or not a specific gender, and using and explaining the different terms as needed. James made a questioning noise once Logan was finished. “How did you...?” He let the question trail off. Logan shrugged.
“Camille came out to me,” was his only response. James nodded.
“Cool. Good to know. How'd you take it?” He asked, sitting down at the end of the couch next to Logan. The shorter boy shrugged.
“I didn't really freak in her face. But I did research after. And freaked a little then. I mean, it's not everyday your ex-girlfriend comes out to you as genderqueer, y'know?” Logan said, shrugging again. James rolled his eyes. “Oh, you know what I meant.”
“Yeah, yeah. Anyway, Carlos, I still like people romantically, just not... that way,” James said, trying to explain it as best he could.
“Oh. Okay. So does this mean I can totally get the girls now?” Carlos asked.
“Nope. I'm still going to date them. However, once they dump me because I admit to being asexual, you can totally have them, okay?”
“But what about the 'no dating ex-girlfriends' code?”
“We'll make an exception for this. Okay?” James asked, looking at Kendall and Logan so they'd both know they were included in approving that. They all nodded. “Okay. And, uh, thanks, guys.”
“Hey, no problem,” Kendall said, smiling. “Besides, you're like my brother. I wouldn't lose that over something like this.” James resisted the urge to smack his forehead.
Brothers. Right.