xiexiegirl (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
xiexiegirl) wrote2012-03-19 12:20 am
xiexiegirl) wrote2012-03-19 12:20 am
(no subject)
Personal ranting ranty rant below, so, uh, hide.
I might lose someone I care about.
She was one of my best friends for a while. A girlfriend, too.
But she broke it off. It was, like, four days into my visit with her. She knew I had problems handling relationships, especially in real life, and it took me a lot to even work up the nerve to kiss her cheek or hold her hand. I'm one of those people who is usually really anxious about it. But it apparently wasn't what she'd been expecting or looking for and she, while not outright stating it was a break-up, made it come off a lot like one.
It hurt. It hurt a lot that, for all her understanding online, it all seemed to sort of fade in that moment.
But we stayed friends. RPed together, plotted a fic together.
But she informed me a couple of months ago that she didn't want to be such good friends. She'd still call me friend, but it was more like acquaintance. And then she came back a while later, saying she did still want to be friends. And we seemed to be fine and well.
But something's going on with her and I am terrified of asking, for fear of overstepping a boundary she's lain down that I can't see. And I tried to send her a message on tumblr, saying we had been good friends and I wanted to get back to that, but she just made a post in return that she knew who her true friends were, because they asked and wanted to know what was going on and how she'd had it with the posers and wannabes.
And it just hurts.
</end rant>
I might lose someone I care about.
She was one of my best friends for a while. A girlfriend, too.
But she broke it off. It was, like, four days into my visit with her. She knew I had problems handling relationships, especially in real life, and it took me a lot to even work up the nerve to kiss her cheek or hold her hand. I'm one of those people who is usually really anxious about it. But it apparently wasn't what she'd been expecting or looking for and she, while not outright stating it was a break-up, made it come off a lot like one.
It hurt. It hurt a lot that, for all her understanding online, it all seemed to sort of fade in that moment.
But we stayed friends. RPed together, plotted a fic together.
But she informed me a couple of months ago that she didn't want to be such good friends. She'd still call me friend, but it was more like acquaintance. And then she came back a while later, saying she did still want to be friends. And we seemed to be fine and well.
But something's going on with her and I am terrified of asking, for fear of overstepping a boundary she's lain down that I can't see. And I tried to send her a message on tumblr, saying we had been good friends and I wanted to get back to that, but she just made a post in return that she knew who her true friends were, because they asked and wanted to know what was going on and how she'd had it with the posers and wannabes.
And it just hurts.
</end rant>